The Equal Pay Rabbit Hole: Identify Your Values
By Kim Stephenson
In part one of this series, I discussed how becoming more comfortable and content with our finances puts us in a better place to tackle challenges in the future. Doing so starts with the heart – or identifying what money means to us.
When used wisely, money can bring meaning and fulfilment to our lives (Dunn et al., 2011). It can offer us everything from the necessities to meaningful experiences, and even free time. But money is a useful tool, not a good destination.
The Problem With Assigning Meaning to Money
Despite this, many feel that money represents:
- Security
- Power
- Love
- Freedom
Furnham et al. (2012) examined a measure for this model, and it did get some empirical support. However, “money type” categorisations such as those identified in the study can give oversimplified labels to complex behaviour. In my experience, none of us need help labelling ourselves as “bad with money” or the type to think “If only I had more money, I’d be happy”!
Additionally, when we either make money the destination or assign a meaning to it, such as power or security, money’s flexibility disappears.
If money is the goal, the money toolbox becomes simply a hammer. With only a hammer, any problem starts to look like a nail.
Despite knowing that money is only a tool for facilitating happiness, we begin to think that it produces happiness itself and that scarcity equals disaster. It’s then all too easy to ignore wellbeing, strive for material splendour, and spend money we don’t have, to buy things we don’t want, to impress people we don’t like. This is the “spending wrongly” identified by Dunn et al. (2011), and illustrated by Kasser (2002).
Money: A Tool for Your Values
Rather than falling into the trap of “spending wrongly”, stop and answer these two questions:
- What is your current view of money’s function?
- What are your values (your sense of life’s meaning and the aspects of your personal vision of a happy life) that money might help with?
To help you answer question one, consider one word that describes what money means to you. Is it security, anxiety, superiority, failure, options, or something else?
For question two, your answer may match part of Seligman’s PERMA model: Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment (Seligman, 2011). Or it may be something more specific, like doing something meaningful for others (Aknin et al., 2022).
Once you’ve decided, compare your two answers.
Does your view of money focus you on your values? Or instead, on values you have subconsciously accepted that may impair your wellbeing? In other words, are you using money to promote wellbeing – or is it using you to produce dissatisfaction and anxiety?
Shaping a Healthier Relationship with Money
If you find that money is pulling you away from your values rather than supporting them, the next step is to consider how to shift that relationship. There are two main challenges to address in doing so:
- Finding motivation and a clear personal vision of wellbeing: Without knowing what a “good life” means to you, it’s hard to use money in a way that genuinely supports happiness.
- Overcoming doubts, fears, distorted thinking, and unhelpful habits: Even when we know what we want, anxiety and ingrained patterns can get in the way.
1. Finding motivation and a clear personal vision of wellbeing
To flourish is to live what Seligman (2011) calls the “good life”: accomplishing meaningful goals, connecting deeply with others, and feeling fulfilled. Flourishing is more than surviving; it’s about living with purpose and vitality.
Financial wellbeing mirrors this. Just as being free of illness isn’t the same as feeling healthy, being debt-free doesn’t automatically mean you feel secure, comfortable, or flourishing. True financial wellbeing comes from feeling that your money supports the life you want to live, while reducing anxiety and other negative emotions around your finances.
Therefore, to fuel our motivation, we need to find a clear sense of purpose – identify what a “good life” means to us. Otherwise, it’s difficult to change our thinking or habits, and much easier to give in to temptation than to defer gratification (Mischel, 2014). And it’s hard to deal with misfortune or frustration over money with a pragmatic attitude and keep to your goals when you feel like giving up.
2. Overcoming doubts, fears, distorted thinking, and unhelpful habits
Even with an adjusted view toward money’s value and a clear purpose in mind, old habits can quickly derail our efforts.
Our brains evolved to deal with immediate physical threats, and our instinctive responses – fight, flight, or freeze – were often lifesaving. That reflex works well if you’re faced by a charging Jaguar (the car, rather than the feline). But running, fighting, or freezing aren’t helpful responses to an overdraft warning or a creditor's phone call.
Additionally, many who have sufficient money are still concerned because they “ought not” to worry. They have enough to be comfortable, but still worry that they are not doing as well as others, or that they “ought” to be happier or feel more successful. These hidden comparisons and expectations can be just as damaging as genuine scarcity.
To overcome long-held worries and habits, therapeutic approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help. ACT can guide us in taking action aligned with our values (Hayes & Smith, 2005). And when money decisions are rooted in meaning and personal values, clarity increases and anxiety decreases. You’re no longer just reacting to financial stress – you’re actively building a life that reflects what matters to you.
Putting Values Into Practice
In summary, identifying what you want out of life and how money can be used to attain it helps in assigning an appropriate meaning and value to money. Still, there are times when values-based approaches alone may not be enough. Deeply ingrained worries or habits may require more targeted strategies.
So now that we’ve addressed the heart, it’s time to examine the head – our thoughts toward our finances and making financial decisions. Methods drawn from counselling and cognitive psychology approaches can help us to break patterns and build healthier, more resilient financial behaviours, as I’ll examine in the next article.
About the Author
Kim Stephenson spent 12 years as an Independent Financial Advisor, working with professional and high-net-worth clients. In 2000, he qualified as an Occupational Psychologist, serving as Secretary of the Division and a Chartership Supervisor. Repeatedly asked for advice on finance, he perceived a common delusion that money is both a worthy life goal and inherently complex. Subsequently, he has contributed to three books and provided talks, articles, and consultancy about the synergy between positive and traditional psychology with finance and behavioural science. A frequent radio guest and occasional television contributor, he specialises in financial psychology and developing more helpful attitudes and behaviours around money.
References
Aknin, L. B., Dunn, E. W., & Whillans, A. V. (2022). The Emotional Rewards of Prosocial Spending Are Robust and Replicable in Large Samples. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 31(6), 536-545. https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214221121100 (Original work published 2022).
Dunn, E.W, Gilbert, D.T & Wilson, T.D, (2011), If money doesn't make you happy, then you probably aren't spending it right. Journal of Consumer Psychology, Volume 21, Issue 2, Pages 115-125, ISSN 1057-7408, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcps.2011.02.002.
Furnham. A, Wilson, E & Telford, K,( 2012) The meaning of money: The validation of a short money-types measure, Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 52, Issue 6, Pages 707-711.
Hayes, S and Smith, S. (2005) Get out of your mind and into your life: The new acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger Publications Inc.
Kasser T, (2002) The high price of materialism; MIT press.
Mischel, W. (2014). The Marshmallow Test: Mastering self-control. Little, Brown and Co.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being. New York City, NY: Atria Books.